You may be armed when you’re packin’ a gun, but that doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Jason Gordon learned this lesson the hard way — from a 74-year-old man with a gardening appliance.
Jason had already robbed the elderly Oran McGlamry the day before, so he probably felt pretty tough when he came back after the old fellow in the front yard of his Albany, N.Y. home. “Old man, I’ve got you now!” he said, pulling a .38 revolver.
“No you don’t,” replied McGlamry, who instantly rushed Jason with his weed-whacker running at full throttle. Possibly envisioning what that spinning plastic line could do to various portions of his anatomy, young Jason turned and tried to run, but fell on his face.
This had the unfortunate but pretty damn funny effect of presenting his butt to McGlamry and his vigilante weed trimmer. Gordon didn’t get away. He got his butt trimmed. Lotsa times.
McGlamry was not charged with corporal punishment of a wayward youth, nor use of an Assault Gardening Appliance.
Lottery Winner … Sorta
Patrick Gayle had no idea why anybody would want to shoot him. Then, after he was shot, he had no idea why he was still alive. Easy, Patrick, you get to live because you’re a loser.
The Harrisburg, Pa., man took one in the 10-ring, a stray bullet from a nearby gang fight. The slug hit a credit card, a cigarette lighter, and a $40 wad of losing lottery tickets in Patrick’s shirt pocket, delivering a painful thump but, incredibly, leaving him unperforated.
“You want to talk about being lucky?” asked Gayle, apparently no longer upset with his choices of numbers. “Those tickets saved me!”
Cops later grabbed a 17-year-old gangbanger alleged to pull the trigger. He’ll be charged with attempting to punch Gayle’s ticket by punching his tickets.
Tough Interrogation
In South Carolina’s Lowcountry, a patrolling deputy was on the lookout for a suspect in the robbery of a Circle K convenience store when he spotted a guy who roughly fit the description. Hey, not enough for a hot stop, but close enough to pull up in his cruiser and casually say, “I want to talk to you about an incident that happened at the Circle K.”
“Yeah, I did it,” the self-jailing suspect admitted, hanging his head. Boy, that guy was one tough nut to crack. That deputy ought to make detective on this case!
The area’s only previous notable crime occurred last year when a mental magnum walked into First Citizens Bank in St. George and asked some suspicious questions about another bank. Minutes later, he strolled into the nearby First National Bank and tried to hold them up, demanding $500.
The teller carefully explained she didn’t have that much money and suggested he check with the loan officer, whom she pointed out. Einstein fled, but several minutes later burst into yet another bank, the First Carolina, where he leaped over the counter, waved something wrapped up in his hand, and demanded cash.
Of course, this time he didn’t name an amount. After all, he didn’t want to have to hassle with a loan officer.
A teller finally gave him some money, and he left. It’s amazing he was caught, considering the only clue he left behind was his ID card, with his name, date of birth, and home address. What’s in that South Carolina water, anyway?