Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there’s a big, bearded man standing there.
“Name’s Lars …Your neighbor from forty miles away….Having a birthday party Friday … Thought you might like to come. About 5…
“Great,” says Sam, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Lars is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you…There’s gonna be some drinkin’.”
“Not a problem… after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em.”
Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. “More’n’likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Lars turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s really not a problem,” says Sam. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?”
Lars stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want – just gonna be the two of us.”
the art at the end of World War II. Photo by Wassen.
World War II saw the most profound technological advancements in military history. That’s where we got assault rifles, jet combat aircraft, ballistic missiles, and nuclear weapons. WWII also saw the widespread employment of submarines.
The modern combat submarine was really introduced during the First World War. The sinking of the Lusitania by U-20 in May of 1915 helped make WWI a truly world war. However, the world really didn’t get good at submarine warfare until the 1940s.
Technical Challenges
Building a functional and effective transoceanic submarine involved solving literally countless little problems. Figuring out how to let some fifty guys eat, sleep and breathe for weeks on end, both on the surface and submerged, while simultaneously sinking Allied shipping was a Gordian chore. One of those countless little problems was what to do with human waste.
That seems pretty straightforward on the surface. The ocean is a pretty big place. Most submarines, in general, and U-boats, in particular, carried a wastewater tank much like that of a modern RV.
In quiet moments, sailors would simply pump the tank empty straight into the sea. However, these tanks took up weight and space, both of which were at a premium on subs. As a result, German naval engineers contrived a solution.
The answer was a high-tech series of high-pressure valves. Once a sailor did his business, he could direct the waste overboard by opening and closing these valves, even while cruising submerged. That was great, but the system was complicated.
So much so that there was a guy on board whose job was to safely flush the commode. I can only imagine how that discussion with the recruiter went. Be all that you can be …
Kapitanleutnant Karl-Adolf Schlitt, in addition to having a terribly unfortunate name, did not enjoy a particularly
stellar U-boat command. Public domain.
Nature Calls
U-1206 was a Type VIIC boat launched toward the end of the war. It had all the latest bells and whistles, including a snorkel and a fancy submerged toilet.
After a very brief shakedown, U-1206 launched on its first combat patrol on April 6, 1945, under the command of Kapitanleutnant Karl-Adolf Schlitt. Eight days later, while cruising submerged at 200 feet, Captain Schlitt needed to take a dump.
Service as a submarine commander is one of the most challenging jobs available for a military officer. You operate for long periods without contact with higher headquarters and are expected to be able to seize the initiative.
Sub commanders are unrepentant type A individuals. In this case, Cpt. Schlitt figured he knew how to use his own toilet. Only he didn’t.
This was an admittedly complicated piece of kit. Once he got flummoxed, Cpt. Schlitt called for the toilet flushing guy. He quickly explained the problem, but the toilet operator misunderstood the details.
He operated the valves in the wrong sequence and allowed a deluge of seawater and sewage to flow back into the boat through the toilet. Gravity still being in effect, all this foul stuff promptly flooded the battery compartment.
These batteries were never intended to get wet. Once the batteries flooded, they began to give off great volumes of toxic chlorine gas. Chlorine gas was used as a chemical warfare agent during WWI. Cpt. Schlitt had to either surface his boat or see his entire crew asphyxiated.
It Gets Worse
April 1945 was a hard time to be a U-boat crewman. While the early years of the war saw unfettered success against Allied shipping convoys, by mid-1945, the Allies had invested vast resources in countering the U-boat threat. Surface vessels, jeep carriers and long-range patrol planes scoured the combat zones searching for U-boats.
U-1206 was in quite a state. The crew had to jettison the ready torpedoes to establish positive buoyancy, given the extensive flooding. As soon as they reached the surface, they opened all the hatches and turned on the fans in an effort to clear the deadly gas. It was in this awkward configuration that they were discovered by a British patrol plane.
I couldn’t find a specific reference to the type of British aircraft involved, but they were most frequently at this point in the war American-made B-24 Liberators.
These massive four-engine bombers typically carried radar systems to aid in locating submarines as well as aerial depth charges to assist in killing them. This plane rolled hot on U-1206 without hesitation. Cpt. Schlitt knew he was doomed.In his defense, the entrails of a U-boat were
pretty complicated. Photo by James Steakley
A Costly Mistake
One German sailor was killed in the attack. A further three drowned, trying to reach the shore. The remaining 46, including Cpt. Schlitt were made prisoners of war by the British.
Sinking your own U-boat because you couldn’t figure out how to flush the toilet just looks bad. Cpt. Schlitt subsequently denied any role in the sinking despite reports from his crew to the contrary.
His official report said, “I was in the engine room, when at the front of the boat there was a water leak. What I have learned is that a mechanic had tried to repair the forward WC’s outboard vent. I would say — although I do not have any proof — that the outer vent indicator either gave false readings or none at all.” Who knows?
Kapitanleutnant Karl-Adolf Schlitt survived a three-year internment and eventually went home to study law. He worked in a variety of public service roles over his long career after the war, eventually dying of natural causes in 2009 at age 90.
Schlitt carried with him the distinction of having been the only U-boat skipper to lose a submarine due to a misadventure with the toilet.
FILE: A grizzly bear in Glacier National Park, Mont
A surprise night time encounter with a grizzly bear led to the death of Anthony Pollio in Glacier National Park this spring, according to a new report containing previously undisclosed details of the attack
Compiled by the Interagency Grizzly Bear Committee, the board of review report describes how evidence at the scene helped investigators reconstruct what led to the incident on May 3. “The attack was likely brief and intense and not prolonged,” * the report reads.
*(No shit !)
With Lake McDonald 4,300 feet below, trees burned by the 2017 Sprague Fire stand along the steep Mount Brown Lookout Trail in Glacier National Park, Mont., on Sept. 17, 2019.
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
Members of the review board included bear experts from state and federal wildlife agencies, as well as Glacier National Park’s carnivore biologist and chief ranger.* A report is required after any human fatality caused by a grizzly bear.
*(You do have to know that this “report” had to cost us Taxpayers a shit load of money!!)
Pollio, a 33-year-old man from Florida, was hiking the Mount Brown Lookout trail, one of the steepest in the park, alone. According to messages with friends and family sent before the attack, he planned to hike to the lookout and watch the sunset.
(Insert Florida man joke here!)
Investigators believe he was descending the trail, known for its jigsaw of standing and dead trees, in the dark around 9:30 p.m. “Darkness and dead fall on the trail would have prevented the bear and Mr. Pollio from seeing each other until they were very close,” the report reads.
A view of the attack site in Glacier National Park, Mont., from below the trail looking upslope.
Interagency Grizzly Bear Committee
It’s unknown if Pollio was making noise* or if he was using his cellphone as a flashlight when the bear, a male grizzly thought to be at least 15 years old, charged.
*(Yeah, I guess that his screaming does not count!)
The report confirmed that Pollio was able to deploy a full can of bear spray.* However, it’s unknown if the spray made contact with the bear. The bear killed Pollio via injuries to his head after a short pursuit. Search and rescue teams found the bear spray in the bushes just off the trail before finding Pollio’s remains.
(I am convinced that some bears like the spray just like my son Willie loves extreme hot sauces on his chow!)
DNA from bear hair and bear scat* collected at the scene matched a grizzly bear with no previous history of human conflict, aggression or capture, described as a “life-long resident of the park.” Investigators found no evidence of predation or caching at the scene, and no bears were found in the area during the search or investigation process.
(A word known as shit or what was left of Poor Pollio’s recycled remains by the rest of us!)
Glacier National Park did not immediately respond to questions regarding whether any management action * was taken, or will be taken, against the bear.
*(Shooting the bear!)
FILE: A road sign warning of dangerous grizzly bears alongside the highway near Glacier National Park, Mont.
Buddy Mays/Getty Images
Bear experts made numerous recommendations for future hikers to avoid similar surprise encounters with bears. That includes making noise by talking, clapping or singing, which is “critical when visibility and hearing are limited.” Traveling in a group is always recommended*, as “groups of people are usually noisier and less likely to surprise bears.”
*(That way more large caliber guns can then be carried!)
Experts also suggest not traveling when bears are most active at night, dawn or dusk.
(No scat Kemosabe ! Now I don’t know if a gun would of helped. But I do know that wandering around alone in the woods is just asking for it! Grumpy)
Now I am sorry if this upsets the family or friends of the dead. But being a weak person, I just could not pass up the poor writing of this incident ! Or the frankly really dumb actions of poor old Pollio in the field! Mea Culpa, Grumpy
In his defense, the entrails of a U-boat were
