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Some advice if you are going to Jail!

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Old Joke – What is a Conservative ? A Liberal who got mugged’
What is a Liberal? A Conservative that went to jail.

Now hopefully you will never have to use this information. But as one never really knows what is coming down the pike toward them. You might want to read this.

  Let me begin by saying up front and center. That I am not a cop or a lawyer or something like that. This is just what I have seen as a Juvenile Hall Court School Teacher with over 20 years of experience.
  Now God Forbid but somehow you have gotten busted for something serious.
  Again let us hope that a gun is not involved with it. As this is as serious as a heart attack.
(I have had a couple of them – Heart attacks- myself by the way)
  While this is happening to you. You are going to have a flood of emotions. If you are smart. Then you will do your best to control them and pay attention to what is happening.
Here is my advice for what it is worth to you.
#1 and this is most important to remember!
  The Cops are NOT your friend at this time!
  So be polite and obey all their orders.
  Do not give them a hard time. As they can & will kick your ass into the next century.
  When they show up. If you have to talk at all. Tell they that you respect them & that they get a bad Reputation from the Media.
  But then say I want a lawyer and then STFU! Because they are going to record everything that you say or do. Which they will then try and use against you.
As they are very highly trained in making folks talk. They will play on your respect for authority and the urge to talk your way out of trouble.
  When you go to the Station House or Barracks. Where they are going to strip search you from head to toe.
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  Literally, as you would be amazed at what stuff Folks try and smuggle in that they have put up their rectum.
  So do not resist this if you can at all costs. As you do not want any more bad paper being written up on you.
  Then you will be finger printed and photographed.
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Anybody look familiar to you?
  Then it depends on what jail you are in but you will have all your personals taken from you. You will probably will get most of it back. But do not count on getting any cash back. Since how do you prove that it is yours?
  Then comes you either have your clothes taken from you or not. Instead you will get some sort of  loud colored jumper. Or not.
  Sooner or later you will be given one phone call unless you are an Asshole. If you do call I highly sugguest that you call the local Bail Bondsman.
  Now the Bonds man is going to cost you a lot. But they also can hopefully help you a lot to get out. Then you will have time to get your defense & affairs in order.
  But generally you are most probably going to spend the night in a holding cell. Until you see the Judge. Who is going to decide what to do with you.
  Now here is some advice while you are locked up.
TRUST NOBODY! There are a lot of informers & trustees that will be put in your cell with you. So that the state can get more information on you. So just do not say a word to any one if you can help it.
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Be polite but firm. “Hey man my lawyer told me to talk to no one. Its nothing personal its just business!”
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  Do not drop the soap! It is really true about Male Rape in prison. All your cellmates are generally some real hard nose and bad folks. Do NOT Trust them and avoid them if possible.
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  The Guards also do not care and they are also not your friends. Since they also are serving time also until they get their pensions. DO NOT TALK TO THEM IF YOU CAN HELP IT!
  They just want a nice quiet time and will do anything for it. They are not there for your protection.
In closing, I hope that you never have to use this info! Good Luck!