You Will Shoot Your Eye Out

  Now I should say that its the Day that I first met the Boss and how she finally brought happiness to me. Or when the Son & Heir Graduated from Law School.

  But I doubt that you want to hear those Stories. So let us move on to this gun tale of mine.

  So hear goes nothing. Now picture this Gentle Reader if you can.

  It’s the mid 1960’s just before the real insanity hit this benighted nation of ours.

My Dad who had been estranged because of Family Politics from ever knowing of or meeting his Dad until then. Then finds out that he still walked the earth

  So Dear Old Dad decided to make the effort and get to know his old man. So after running it past Mom and getting her consent. (My Old man was no fool even back then.) He then got some well earned time off from work.

 So off we went to Phoenix for a get together and spend some quality time with the old boy. (It was here by the way that I first saw an actual Cowboy and a cattle herd being driven down one of the major streets there.)

  But lets get on with this saga of mine.

  When we arrived at the Old Boy’s place. To say that it was like walking on eggs time. Would be as what the Brits say is a massive understatement.

  Since both my sister and I were warned to be on our very best behavior, Period. Which in our our merry band of a family. Meant that you paid some real close attention to these kind of instructions.

  Especially when my Dad an Ex Army Drill Sgt* & Survivor of the Pusan Perimeter in Korea* said that. Because no one in their right mind, wanted to find out if you crossed him on that seldom issued order.

  Especially since Mom would back him up 1000% on that. (Yes was there was such a thing in our house)

  But let us move on to the meat of the story. In that Morris / Grandpa had the biggest pack rat / man cave of interesting stuff that a little boy could hope for.

  As there was like a zillion and one books, naked women posters, knives, swords, gun gear and what all that could come to mind. To say that I was in Hog Heaven would again be a massive understatement of at a galactic level.

  Now even then I was a huge fan of War movies. Which just goes to show that a little knowledge is an incredible dangerous thing. Because I spied something in the corner of eye. Which literally dragged me toward it.

  Now gentle Reader, I am sure that you are wanting to know what it is. So let no man say that I going to hold back on this tale of mine. So here goes nothing.

  As it was a very nice example of a M-1 Carbine complete with a Banana Clip. So of course I walk toward it in a daze. While The Real Men are talking about something or other.

  So I pick it up and was amazed at just how heavy it was to this 7 year old. I then reach down just like they did in the movies and pull the charging handle back. It was just amazing to see the gun chamber a round and make a most satisfactory noise to this juvenile child.

  WOW! Was this cool or what!?! Until I heard this voice of steel saying “Boy don’t you even breathe do you hear me?” Needless to say Dad then scooped the piece right out of my hand.

 This being followed by a very quiet conversation with Grandpa. “How do you unload this thing? I haven’t seen one since Inchon.” Or words to that effect. I latter learned it was not a M-1 but a M-2 full automatic carbine. God most of been really looking out for me that day.***

 So I was then told to set my butt in that chair and the Guys had a quiet chat on what to do with me.

  This was followed by being told to get into the back seat of Grandpas Bulge Mobile NOW. (It was one of those huge 1950’s land yachts) Then the Big Guys got in and we went for a drive.

  I seriously thought at the time that they were going to take me out to the Desert and kill me. It was that serious in my mind.

  Finally we pulled off the road quite a ways and dismounted. Then I was told to make myself useful. So I was handed this canvas tarp and a couple of filtered cigarettes.

  I was then showed how to rip off the filters and put them in my ears. Meanwhile the Old boys were pulling more and more gun cases. Then came a mess of army cartridge boxes.

   Followed out the goldarnest collection of firearms that I had ever seen, What with Winchester models 70’s , Sporterized Mauser’s, Shotguns and God Almighty a real life BAR. Spread out on the canvas tarp in all their glory.

  As Dad then took a mess of Tomato juice cans and placed then in a form of a skirmish line. I was then instructed on the prone position. Followed then on how to use this massive chunk of steel and wood.

  So I took a firm a grip as a youngster could and squeezed off a round. The noise that it produced was just awesome. Then I I looked out and all I saw was the ruination of the skirmish line. Funny thing was that I could only see out of one eye.

(I had literally shot a complete magazine of 30-06 ammo in the blink of an eye. W/O noticing it at all.)

  Anyways after we ran out of ammo and light. So we went back to the house. 

  Where upon Mom gave both Dad and Grandpa a serious ass chewing. “What the hell were you two not thinking of? Etc Etc.”. It was just Glorious to say the least. I think that this was the first time I heard Mom using real swear words too.

   It was here that I learned about how powerful an inspired ass chewing could be. As both of these very tough and experienced men quailed before this stout woman’s voice.

  Soon after I was back to the classroom. Where a very young and inexperienced Teacher wanted to know how I got such a shiner. But I knew even then to keep my mouth shut. So I told her that I had walked into a piece of wood while  on vacation.

Next time The Time I “bought” my first gun!

***I think that the Statute of Limitations has run one this one since both of these men have been called home. Plus I have never seen it again but not from looking mighty hard mind you.****

* Yeah I know! There is no thing as an Ex Drill. But what can I say.

** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Pusan_Perimeter