100 ways to die in Florida

By Orlando Weekly Staff

We know there are probably a million ways to kick the bucket in the Sunshine State. But since Florida is the land where just about everything is trying to kill you, we decided to just highlight 100.

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You could crash your semi-truck, spilling thousands of Bud Lights on the highway, because you were petting your dog.
Photo via WFTS

You could drive around with a missile in your car
Photo via Palm Beach Post

You could walk out onto a log and discover it’s actually an alligator.
Photo via Photo by Richard Jones via WFTV

You could crash your semi-truck, spilling thousands of Bud Lights on the highway, because you were petting your dog.
Photo via WFTS

You could choose to have your motorcycle towed with a chain.
Photo via Imgur

You could be in a car accident because the woman driving next to you was shaving her bikini line.
Photo via YouTube

You could attempt to run from Florida to Cuba in a inflatable hamster ball.
Photo via CNN

A woman named Crystal Metheney could fire a missile into your car.
Photo via DeathAndTaxes.com

You could die of leprosy from petting an armadillo.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could go swimming at the beach and die of flesh-eating bacteria.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could be hanging out in Jacksonville and find yourself stuck in a vending machine.
Photo via FOX

You could be obsessed with kissing alligators.
Photo via Sun Sentinel

You could be adopted by Gov. Rick Scott for his 2010 campaign, and then returned to the shelter after he wins.
Photo via 96 K Rock

You could get mauled by a bath salt zombie.
Photo via Daily Beast

You could get really confused and lock yourself in a closet that unlocks from the inside.
Photo via Wesh

You could go for a hike and get shot by one of the 2000 Florida bear hunters, including Ted Nugent.
Photo via ArcheryTalkBlog

Your uncle could set your house on fire because you didn’t take him on a beer run.
Photo via Instagram user psychawtic

You could get swallowed by a massive sinkhole.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could be the unfortunate one who finds the Orlando Cobra.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could get lost scuba diving in Devil’s Spring, or any other Florida underground cavern.
Photo via divebuddy.com

You could get meningitis from a giant snail.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could die of exposure because your stuck at the top of a drawbridge in your birthday suit.
Photo via Huffington Post

Literally anything can crawl out of a toilet.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

George Zimmerman
Photo via HuffingtonPost

You could dial 911 only to have the dispatcher ignore your call so he could finish eating his pizza.
Photo via Raw Story

You could get stuck in the Orlando Eye for days and days, eventually dying of extreme boredom.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could be hit by a flying shark on I-95.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could get decapitated on Space Mountain.
Photo via Disney

You could park in someone’s spot at Publix and get beat up by an angry husband.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could have a stroke on the Tower of Terror.
Photo via Wikipedia

Florida leads the country in death by lightning, so you could go out with a bang.
Photo via Instagram user acaciocordioli

You could find 50 kilos of cocaine and be hunted by a drug cartel.
Photo via NBC 2

You could die after a vigorous round of dwarf tossing, which was banned in Florida in 1989.
Photo via Instagram user surruh_ferg

You could be ordering a calzone and then forced to fight off a samurai sword-wielding attacker.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

Your own dog could run you over with an F-150.
Photo via Instagram user xoxoroxydog

You could get in a car crash while filming yourself with a selfie stick.
Photo via YouTube

You could take a shotgun to the face for dating the stepdaughter of this guy.
Photo via Click Orlando

You could attempt to pet a 400 pound black bear in Dade County.
Photo via USA Today

You could die by being folded into a couch.
Photo via Instagram user jennashaff

You could be attacked by a shark at New Smyrna Beach, which has the highest rate of shark attacks in the world.
Photo via YouTube

You could overdose after a visit to Unique Health Care, Orlando’s premier pill mill.
Photo via Twitter

You could die from refusing your knife-happy daughter some potato salad.
Photo via Instagram user odettealabama

If you ride a bike, you’re screwed. Florida is ranked as the most dangerous state for peddlers.
Photo via Gallery Hip

You could die trying to sneak back into your girlfriend’s house through the cat door.
Photo via Instagram user allyorkandnoplay

You could accidentally aim your gun at your testicles while cleaning the weapon.
Photo via Facebook.

You could for a swim and get Naegleria fowleri, the brain-eating amoeba.
Photo via CDC

You could be corned by a 350 pound pig.
Photo via KNOE

You could die if the Boogeyman makes your motorcycle crash.
Photo via Instagram user alekseev.ilya

You could get in a jetski accident with an astronaut.
Photo via Instagram user lacey_lou17

You could be attacked for having too many items in the express checkout.
Photo via Forbes

You could get crushed in a trash compactor while trying to escape prison.
Photo via Instagram user tommorganradio

You could get electrocuted by a faulty pump in a minigolf pond.
Photo via Instagram user ezbypass

You’re more likely to be hit by a car in Orlando than anywhere else in America.
Photo via Instagram user baileybug1223

You could be repeatedly stung by an army of red imported fire ants.
Photo via CDC

You could eat a raw oyster and get Vibrio.
Photo via Huffington Post

You could die car-surfing while on meth.
Photo via WPBF

You could be walking in front of a train while texting.
Photo via Instagram user mscarolm

Here in Florida, there’s a good chance a hurricane, tornado, flood or wildfire will take you out.
Photo via Core Logic

You could be sitting in a recliner when a water buffalo head falls and crushes you.
Photo via Instagram user carlyboiill

You could go to prison in Florida, which has had 346 deaths occur behind bars in 2014.
Photo via NPR

You could die trying to huff Freon.
Photo via Instagram user primetimecooling

You get knocked out by a jumping sturgeon.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could head-butt a bus because you think the fare is too expensive .
Photo via Miami New Times

You could get stuck in a grease trap while breaking into a store.
Photo via Wesh

You could die of HIV, the most distinctive common cause of death in Florida outside of the top 10 causes of death in America.
Photo via NIAID, NIH.

You could swim 4 miles through alligator-infested-waters because it’s on your bucket list.
Photo via News 13

You could die after someone fires a shot into the air, and a wayward bullet falls on your skull.
Photo via Miami New Times

You could die after making a dumb blonde joke to your girlfriend who then bites your nipple and tries to stab you in your sleep.
Photo via Instagram user sir.awesome.boiii

You could find yourself in this woman’s home, which was filled with over 3700 blades.
Photo via Fox 13 News

You could see this thing outside your front door.
Photo via CNN

You could be sunburned to death. Hey, it’s possible.
Photo via Orlando Weekly.

You could tell your son to get a job, who then decides to stab you.
Photo via Instagram user kaylerz35

You could get bit by a mosquito and get West Nile virus.
Photo via CDC

You could die if your girlfriend tries to stab you after you refuse to have sex with her.
Photo via Slothed

You could be at K-Mart when someone decides to set some lingerie on fire.
Photo via Flickr.

You could have a crazy owl terrorizing your neighborhood.
Photo via Instagram user morrismooo

You could be stuck in a traffic jam on I-4 and die of rage.
Photo via Wikipedia

You could give your girlfriend’s kids lice, and then she hires a hitman to kill you.
Photo via Instagram user thehairangels

You could have a son who beats you up for feeding his cat.
Photo via Instagram user adriennenvy

You could get in a car accident with a woman who just tweeted “2 drunk 2 care.”
Photo via People

Your meth lab could explode and disfigure your face.
Photo via Instagram multifandomshit

You could be at a water gun fight and someone decides to bring a real gun.
Photo via Stream Machine Store

You could die when the Red Bull B-Boy champion serves you into oblivion. Death by serve.
Photo via YouTube.

You could be beaten to death over an Xbox.
Photo via CBS News

You could be get bit by an Eastern coral snake, or one of the many poisonous snakes that call Florida home.
Photo via Instagram user herpjesus

You could get pummeled by a water spout and die in a watery plume of terror.
Photo via Instagram user 305ssom

You could go swimming in the Wekiva River and a gator could rip off your arm.
Photo via Mirror Online

You could die of a heatstroke while wearing a disgustingly sweaty Disney cast member costume.
Photo via Orlando Weekly

You could get attacked by a cop for not rolling your window down all the way.
Photo via Live Leak

You could die eating too many cockroaches.
Photo via US News

You could get Ciguatera poisoning from eating a fish.
Photo via whoi.edu

You could get an infection after your neighbor smears poop on you.
Photo via Daily Mail

You could be attacked by a gang of angry hawks.
Photo via YouTube

A Florida teen could spike your Diet Coke with hand sanitizer.
Photo via medicaldaily.com

If you’re a senior citizen, you should be extra cautious. Florida leads the nation in elderly deaths beind the wheel.
Photo via Huffington Post

You could be involved in a road rage incident on the 1-4 over a Confederate flag.
Photo via Photo via Facebook/Phillip Arroyo

You could run into a man named Rhino, who may or may not have a rocket launcher.
Photo via Etsy

You could be attacked by a woman wielding a dildo.
Photo via LongBeachStuff.com

Get be attacked by an angry raccoon and get rabies.
Photo via CDC

You could be attacked with bleach while walking out of a Publix.
Photo via Facebook

You could go golfing.
Photo via ABC

100 ways to die in Florida

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