Well I thought it was funny! Archives - Page 2 of 225

FORT BENNING, Ga. – Army 2nd Lt. Kevin Dingleberg has resting dumb face, a source familiar with the matter told reporters.

“We’d prefer the term ‘resting confused face’ or ‘resting bewildered’ face,” said company equal opportunity representative Staff Sgt. Dave Muth. “But we all can agree that Dingleberg has the stupidest fucking face we’ve seen.”

Dingleberg, a recent distinguished military graduate of the ROTC program at the University of Nebraska, has been blissfully unaware that any time he stops focusing on his command presence, his face looks like a freeze frame of someone getting hit in the face with a dildo.

“Whether it’s in the field or doing something routine in the motor pool, Dingledoofus looks like he just woke up on the wrong side of stupid,” said Sgt. 1st Class Darrin Johnson. “We could be at the Dunkin’ Donuts and his face will still make everyone feel like they’re lost.”

Resting dumb face is a condition where one’s face reverts to a befuddled expression when the individual isn’t interacting with another person, according to the Mayo Clinic. It is commonly found in junior officers and is often thought to be contagious.

While it has been found in new privates, it can usually be eliminated within weeks of contact with non-commissioned officers. The condition is especially common in fuel handlers.

Others in Dingleberg’s platoon agree with Johnson’s assessment, saying he “looks like a goldfish with fetal alcohol syndrome,” and that his face could be improved with “one of those tumors you only see in Save the Children ads.”

Still, his commander sees the young lieutenant in a different light.

“Dingleberg shows an amazing capacity to delegate and let his NCOs take care of business,” said Capt. Ryan Anderson, company commander. “He reminds me so much of myself at that age.”

UZI vs Watermelons

God save the King!

Brits Wish There Were Some Kind Of Ranged Weapon That Shoots High-Velocity Ammunition To Protect Them From Knife Attacks

World·Jun 4, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

LONDON — As deadly stabbings continued to run unchecked across the United Kingdom, British citizens wished there were some kind of ranged weapon that shoots high-velocity ammunition to protect them from knife attacks.

Facing frequent violent incidents at the hands of migrants, the British citizenry publicly expressed a desire that technology would one day advance far enough that they could find safety and security by utilizing some type of weapon that would fire projectiles at assailants from far away.

“If only that type of weaponry existed,” said British citizen Reginald Elderberry. “We’re like sitting ducks here, I’m afraid. These blokes with their angry shouting in Arabic and their sharp knives are picking us off one by one, sometimes by the dozens. We just wish there were ballistic devices that we could use to protect ourselves. Perhaps some type of weapon that could fire small bits of lead at high speeds across short to moderate distances while your attacker is still far away. That would be ideal.”

British authorities, while sympathetic to the plight of their fellow citizens, reminded them that such weapons do not exist, and even if they did, they would most certainly not be allowed to be owned or carried. “We understand the desire, but the notion is rather silly,” said Prime Minister Keir Starmer. “The sad truth is that ranged weapons that people could use to protect themselves simply do not exist. People have watched too many Hollywood movies, I’m afraid. No, everyone will remain at the mercy of bloodthirsty, murderous, knife-wielding criminals.”

At publishing time, British citizens also expressed wishes that their government could someday impose some type of “border” that could serve to keep out dangerous migrants.

Colour-Sergeant Bourne Shows His Lighter Side