You Will Shoot Your Eye Out

A man in Wichita, Kansas has been arrested for stealing a historic cannon from the Spanish-American War, in order to settle a debt with a drug dealer who was threatening him.

The story reads like something out of a movie.

After being unable to load the cannon into his car, he returned with tools and cut the cannon into pieces, then brought one of the pieces to the dealer in order to prove that he was trying to pay off his debt. The dealer was unimpressed.

A Kansas man reportedly stole an 800-pound historic cannon from a local park for drug money, according to newly released court documents.

An arrest affidavit, obtained by KAKE News, states that Gordon Pierce III, 37, told Wichita police officers that he believed his life was in danger after a drug dealer claimed that Pierce owed him money, leading him to steal the cannon for money.

The report states that Pierce told police he went searching for copper statues to steal to make money to pay back the dealer and found the 800-pound cannon on the morning of April 2…

Due to the weight of the cannon, Pierce told police that he and the homeless man were unable to load the cannon into his Chevrolet Tahoe, according to the report. Pierce also told police he tried to pull the cannon with his SUV, but the chain kept snapping…

Pierce reportedly told police that over the next several hours he used a Sawzall to cut the cannon into four to five pieces, which he placed in his Tahoe, leaving the largest piece of the cannon in his friend’s garage.

This is why we can’t have nice things. Also, it bears repeating that most criminals are not very smart.