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Well I thought it was neat!

Kilroy Was Here

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Real men Well I thought it was neat!

Dobe & Skeeter…Guided By The Light By Skeeter Skelton

It was a hot summer in Laredo. True, all summers in Laredo are hot, but that one in the mid-1960s seemed exceptionally so because I was there, working day and night, as a Special Agent for U.S. Customs. The smuggling of narcotics into the U.S. was rampant, and a handful of guys like me was devoted to making this business as unprofitable as possible.

This was a tough task because most dope smugglers worked out of the U.S., traveled to Mexico to “connect” for their contraband there, and then delivered it back across the river or had it delivered to a point in the States. The policy of the Mexican government was not to permit American investigators to operate inside their republic, making it very difficult for us to know what was happening in the narcotics trade there. If Mexican rules were occasionally stretched, such stretching was for a good cause.

Just at sundown one July evening, I parked my disguised government car behind the Lincoln Bar and Restaurant in the thriving border city of Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. I hadn’t eaten or slept since the previous day and was thinking in terms of a double shot and a rare steak. I entered the Lincoln and went to my favorite corner table. It was situated where I could watch other crowded tables and especially the long standup bar.

I spotted Dobe Grant lifting a glass of tequila at the far end of the bar. I sent a waiter to fetch my old friend to my table just as my own drink was delivered. We shook hands as he sat down.

“Been lookin’ for you out at Turkey Track, Skeet. You busy?

“I sure hope you been catchin’ some of those dope-sellin’ bastards. When you gonna get caught up enough to come out for a visit?””Maybe soon, Dobe. We just finished a big case this evening. I’m going home for some rest as soon as I eat.”

While we were talking, a slim and neatly dressed Mexican boy entered the restaurant, looked around, then walked by my table as he headed for the bar. As he passed, a tiny slip of paper was dropped on the tablecloth. Making certain no one but Dobe was watching, I retrieved it. The message was simple: “8:00.”

Dobe said nothing. He had another tequila while I finished my steak. I paid the check, and we departed, heading for my car.

“Where’s your truck, Dobe?” I asked. “Here in the Lincoln parking lot.” Well, it’ll be okay there. Leave it and come with me.”

The wiry, hawk-faced old man silently accepted my invitation and took a seat in my two-toned, white-sidewalled Ford. As I fiddled with the keys, he tapped the shirt pocket where I’d put the note and asked, “Where we goin’ to meet your friend?”

I laughed. “Down by the railroad bridge. He’ll be there before we are. He’s an old informant of mine and a hell of a reliable one. As far as you’re concerned, his name is Chulo.”

Fingering his white moustache, Dobe said, “As far as I’m concerned, he don’t even exist.”

We drove over a potholed dirt street to an open area near a railroad bridge which spanned the Rio Grande. There were no streetlights and no houses. Traffic was nil. I parked by an abandoned adobe building. Within minutes, Chulo entered the car.

Glancing nervously at Dobe, Chulo spoke to me in soft Spanish. A gringo was in town, and he was trying to locate a marijuana dealer. He had talked to several locals and shown a large amount of cash to at least one, but he hadn’t made a purchase. He was driving a black Chevrolet pickup bearing Texas license CSA357.

I thanked Chulo, and he disappeared into the darkness, secure in the knowledge he would be rewarded if we caught the smuggler with a load. But we had to locate him first.

“Can you remember that license number, Dobe?” I asked. “Sure. It’s Confederate States of America three fifty-seven.” “Right. The best place to start looking is out in the zone.”

Like all Mexican border towns, Nuevo Laredo had a zona de toleréncia, a red-light district that was segregated from the rest of the community. In this case, it was actually contained within high concrete block walls through which there was only one exit. Inside this “walled city of sin” were buildings containing madams, prostitutes, murderers, pick-pockets, muggers, con men, and dope dealers.

Dobe grunted in disgust as we drove through the gate, which was guarded by Mexican police. “Damn good place to stay out of,” he grumbled.

The bartender at the Club 45 had occasionally furnished me with bits and pieces of information in the past, so I parked in front of that imbiber’s institution. I didn’t have to ask Dobe whether he was armed.

As I did, he carried a Mexican gun permit provided by Arnulfo Vasques de Villareal, the local commanding general of the army. One thing the general had made us promise when he issued these credentials was that we would not carry firearms into low-class saloons.

Though I hated to do it, I slipped my Browning Hi-Power from beneath my shirt and hid it under the car seat. Eyeing me as though we were both crazy, Dobe did the same with his Colt .45 automatic. Unarmed, we walked into the Club 45 and approached the bar.

We almost made it. As I reached out to place my hand on the mahogany bartop, I was grabbed from behind, and my arms were pinioned to my side. My hat flew off, and something wet brushed my neck. I got an elbow into the ribs of my assailant, then grabbed his wrist and twisted, throwing him to the tile floor. Dobe had grabbed a bottle by the neck and was standing over the prone figure, ready to finish matters.

Holding my attacker down by twisting his arm, I looked him over. His ruddy skin and frazzled blond hair said he was Anglo. His faded Levis, one pants leg caught in a scalloped boot top, and greasy cowboy hat made him a cowboy. I let him go, and two more just like him made their way through the curious crowd to help him to his feet. The threesome stood there, obviously pleased with themselves. They had the look of rodeo hands, and as it turned out, they were. They were also three sheets to the wind.

“Why did you do that?” I politely inquired of the one who’d grappled with me.

“Well, you see, old Jim Bob an’ old Roy an’ I was gettin’ bored. No action at all. An’ they bet me the drinks that I didn’t have the guts to go up to the next big, ugly sonofabitch that walked in the door and kiss him on the neck. That was you. I won–unless of course you want to buy the drinks yourself.”

I gazed at the three smiling, swaying youngsters and was reminded of my own somewhat raucous youth. I retrieved my hat, put it on, and sighed, “I just believe I will.” And I did.

A private visit with the bartender about the truck I was looking for was unproductive, and Dobe and I left the Club 45. Back in my Ford, we made a quick survey of the rest of the zone without results.

Clandestinely, since use of our radios in Mexico was prohibited, I radioed to ascertain if any other U.S. Customs agents were in service. There were, but they were tied up in a surveillance in another case. One officer, young Bill Sessions, broke off and crossed the river to assist Dobe and me.

We divided the list of the known narcotics dealers in Nuevo Laredo and drove by their places of business and homes, still searching for the Texas pickup. Sessions finally spotted it inside the fence at the home of Tacuache, a notorious wholesale dope merchant. He radioed that he’d made the license number, and it was on a black El Camino pickup.

Like Ford Rancheros, El Caminos were ideal vehicles for contraband. With large, paneled-off compartments in their beds and the hollow sidewalls of the beds, they could hold a lot of marijuana and keep it well concealed from a casual inspection.

Having located the El Camino at a dealer’s place, we backed off, crossing into the U.S. and placing “pass and call” lookouts with the Customs inspectors at the International Bridge in Laredo. If the suspect truck arrived there, they were to let it pass with a search and call the agents. This was in case the pickup was not loaded in Mexico, and its driver had arranged to have the marijuana delivered to a point on the American side.

Dobe and I parked on a side street near the bridge. Sessions parked a block away. We settled in to wait. It was almost sunup, and Dobe saw me rubbing my tired eyes.

“I’ve slept since you have, old horse. Grab a few winks. I’ll stay awake and listen for the radio.”

I gratefully settled into the car seat and sank into oblivion. When I awoke, it was midmorning. Sparse traffic moved along our street.

Dobe saw me stir and sit erect, stretching my cramped muscles. The ashtray brimmed with the butts of cigarettes he’d smoked during the shank of the hot night. I contacted Sessions. He was still in place.

Dobe walked to a corner café and returned with two large Styrofoam containers of coffee. This revived us, and we endured our wait with wider eyes.

“If you’re gonna live in this car, you ought to furnish it more comfortable,” Dobe declared.

As the day wore on, Dobe entertained me with tales of his days as an officer during Prohibition, when he had worked along this same troubled stretch of river. We both reflected on how little life changed along the Mexican border, where smuggling had been a way of life for so long.

The day crept by. We changed the position of our car several times so as not to arouse the curiosity of passersby. We stayed near the port of entry in order to pick up on our suspect vehicle quickly when it came.

In the early evening, our radio crackled. My office flashed the news that our El Camino had just entered from Mexico and been passed by the inspectors. Alert now, I drove to the intersection of the main thoroughfare from the International Bridge. Two, three, four cars passed before us, and then there it was, our black Chevrolet, occupied by an Anglo man. After allowing a couple of “buffer” cars to file in between us, I entered the line of traffic behind the suspect; Sessions pulled into line behind us. Dobe sat calmly, his eyes riveted on the pickup.

Instead of leaving town on the San Antonio highway as we anticipated, the El Camino made a sudden turn into the parking lot of a large shopping center. The driver parked near the storefronts, and I passed him, taking a place near an exit about 100 yards away. Sessions took a position on the far side of the lot.

We waited for about two hours. The suspect sat in his pickup. Was a delivery to be made in a crowded parking lot?

 

As dusk approached, I told Dobe, “If he’s loaded or is going to pick up the load down the road toward San Antonio, he’ll leave here and go right down the freeway. It’ll be hell trying to tail him in the dark in all that traffic.”

At that moment, the suspect got out of his vehicle, locked it, and entered a drugstore.

Without a word, Dobe removed his hat, left my car, and walked briskly across the parking lot to the El Camino. I could barely see him in the lengthening shadows as he pulled his gun and used it to smash the left rear taillight of the black pickup. He returned circuitously to my car, grinning as he got in.

The driver of the El Camino left the store, looking carefully around the parking lot. After a moment’s delay, he got in his truck and drove rapidly from the lot. As we followed, he entered the San Antonio freeway and headed north, staying barely within the 70-mile-per-hour speed limit. Sessions was on our bumper, and I held back, letting the suspect increase the distance between us to about a quarter of a mile.

Where the red plastic of the broken taillight had been, the white bulb glared like a lighthouse beacon. We could have picked him out in traffic if he’d been a mile ahead of us. I grinned and slapped Dobe’s knobby knee.

“Do you think he’s going to meet somebody, Dobe, or is he already loaded?” I asked.

His eyes never left the broken taillight as he replied, “I’m bettin’ he’s already loaded. How long you gonna follow him before we see?”

“Let’s take him out 25 miles or so. If he hasn’t met someone by then, we’ll grab him.”

We raced through the night for another 30 minutes, guided by the bright light. Then I radioed Sessions, “Let’s take him. I’ll come in from the side; you stay close on his tail.”

Pulling up beside the pickup, I hit the siren as Dobe plugged the portable flashing red light into the cigarette lighter and signaled the driver to stop. As the suspect brought the El Camino to a halt, Dobe and I leaped out of the car, pistols in hand.

“Police! Gitcher hands up!” shouted the old rancher, pointing his .45 at the startled suspect. The man took one look at the cowboy-hatted, grizzled figure and did as he was told. We got him out, then spread-eagled and searched him. He was unarmed. Sessions cuffed his hands behind his back, and we began to check out the El Camino.

It was loaded and then some. A wall of plastic-wrapped kilo bricks of marijuana was stacked behind the seat and came level to the top of it. A brightly colored blanket concealed the contraband from outside view. Using a Philips screwdriver, we opened the compartments in the bed, and they were also neatly filled with “keys” of the illicit weed. When we weighed the catch, we would find we’d captured 250 kilograms–more than 500 pounds–of marijuana.

We prepared to return to Laredo.

I was to take the prisoner, a middle-aged ex-convict, in my car, Dobe was to drive Sessions’ car, and Sessions got the load vehicle. Then we found out about the missing keys to the pickup.

“There’s a trick to starting it,” said the prisoner. “Take the cuffs off me, and I’ll reach under the dash and fix the wire.”

Before I could stop him, Sessions started to comply.

“Hold on there,” Dobe said gruffly. He bent under the steering wheel, reached up under the dash, and came up with a loaded and cocked .38 Super Colt automatic.

“This what you’re after, partner? I’m glad you brought it. It’ll get you maybe an extra couple of years.”

Dobe handed me the pistol. We finally managed to start the pickup, which was stolen and hot-wired. We returned in caravan to the office.

Dobe sat near my desk as I interrogated and wrote up the prisoner. The man broke down and told us his whole story.

“It’s been a hard-luck deal from the beginning,” he complained. “I figured on doubling my money fast and got a few friends to invest. They’ll be after me now. That Tacuache charged me almost double what I intended to pay for the grass. Then it took a whole day to round it up and load it. I had tire trouble.

“And then the damnedest thing happened,” he continued. “I was parked at a shopping center, waiting for dark, and decided to buy some cigarettes. While I was in the drugstore, I looked out the window and saw a gray-headed old coot walk up to my pickup, take out a gun, smash the taillight, and walk off. I didn’t want to tangle with no looney with a gun, so I just let him go and got the hell out of there. The whole world’s against me.”

Dobe stood up, his face reddening, and said, “If that’s all you need from me, Skeet, I’ll be headin’ back to the Turkey Track. This city life’s too fast for me.”

Author’s Note: I am constantly asked if Dobe Grant really exits. He does, but not as a single man. He is the essence of at least four old-timers that I know and have known.

When Dobe Grant acts out on the printed page the things that these men have done, and…with the élan, irascibility, courage, and honesty that shrouded them, then Dobe becomes alive.

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Well I thought it was neat!

MANAGING MEDICAL EMERGENCIES:

A PEEK INSIDE THE SAUSAGE FACTORY
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War Well I thought it was neat!

Money In Medieval Wars – How It Worked

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Well I thought it was neat!

WORKSHOP WEDNESDAY: A New WWII Grant Tank Restoration Project

For those that love Tanks, there is 13 more episodes to watch. As you can guess I got lazy but they are worthy to watch. Grumpy

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Cops Well I thought it was neat!

Pacifist Warlords Katya Sedgwick

Demonstration after the eviction of Lützerath – road blockade

Don’t be misled by peaceful protest.

On the opening day of Burning Man, an environmentalist group blocked off the road to the festival, causing traffic to back up as far as the eye could see. Because they were converging on tribal land, tribal police showed up, rammed through their barricade, brandished a gun, and handcuffed and removed the offenders. Their rapid and decisive action was stunning only because it seemed anachronistic in an age of excessive deference to protestors.

On their website the activists claimed that they embrace “peacefulness” and that their “words and actions are nonviolent.” Although the video they posted showed only a half dozen young people blocking the road in the Nevada desert, activists stated that their strategy is to “deploy mass turnout disruptive direct action” to advance their political goals.

Fair enough: the members of the organization don’t use weapons or throw punches. Thus they fancy themselves pacifists and civil libertarians in the model of Gandhi. But in fact they are a form of warlord, using the classic warlordist tactic of demanding tribute for free passage.

Environmentalists don’t have to look their victims in the eye and generally write off any damage they cause as a mere inconvenience. But trapping people in hot cars on a desert road causes very real suffering, restricts freedom of movement, and opens up the possibility of tragedy if first responders are unable to attend to an emergency.

The true significance of this type of political action goes beyond its immediate consequences. Because they bring about financial setbacks, misery, or perhaps even death, roadblocks make it impossible for ordinary citizens to conduct their affairs. Erect enough of them and civilization crumbles. Ironically, the Burning Man revelers who didn’t have it in them to get out of their campers and move the protesters experienced crisis on the way out of the festivals when the roads and the airport were closed because of flooding. Ultimately, the powers that can either facilitate or restrain the movement of goods and people control the country.

Environmentalists make no secret that their goal is to impose their will on our polity. It doesn’t matter if they use firearms or glue themselves to the asphalt to achieve this end—theirs is an act of dominance. Living in a modern Western society, they derive their power not from brute force but from performative righteous helplessness. Remove them by force and they’ll decry brutality. But unelected activists don’t deserve to assert their will over citizenry simply because they abhor guns. Nowhere in our Constitution does it say that a party is entitled to oppress American citizens as long as it stays non-violent.

Radicals themselves argue that their mandate comes not from institutions of our free republic but the virtuousness of their cause. “Climate emergency” is such a pressing issue that they have no time to consult the demos. When ISIS obstructs freedom of movement with guns, they do it for Allah; Islamists might have a more neatly-contained argument, but the power and faith dynamics are the same in both cases.

As the saying goes, environmentalists are like watermelons, green on the outside, red on the inside. Greenpeace co-founder Patrick Moore, for instance, dropped out of the organization after it was highjacked by the Left, which replaced responsible preservation with nature-centered rhetoric crafted to advance its political goals.

Today’s tree huggers are schooled in the intersectional agenda of which the “planetary emergency” is but a single, if very convenient, part. Full-time activists who run environmentalist and other far-left organizations understand the dynamics of an insurgency. For all we know, they might be cynical about the climate, but they know how revolutions are made.

Erecting roadblocks is the go-to tactic of activists around the globe. In the last months, for instance, the Left have converged on the streets of Israeli cities, blocking freeways without permits. Although the demonstrations are often described as a spontaneous peaceful reaction against judicial reforms, the leaders admit they were pre-planned and financed from abroad.

Observers call them a color revolution, or a coup. So far, the Netanyahu government is firmly in place, and no shots have been fired, even if the prime minister’s private residence has been briefly put under siege and his wife found herself accosted by protesters at a hair salon.

In 2014 in Ukraine, what started as a demonstration against a trade agreement with Russia with barricades erected in the main square in Kiev, quickly escalated into takeover of government buildings. Then-President Viktor Yanukovich was forced to flee and a new government was installed. I hear there were some vegetarian pacifists in the vicinity, but these barricades on Maidan weren’t erected for peaceful purposes, and those storming the government buildings waved the red and black banners of the World War II-era Ukrainian fascists.

Not all American warlordism is non-violent, either. Antifa and Black Lives Matter are also known to block roads. For a few months in 2020, Antifa barricaded several blocks in downtown Seattle, attempting to turn it into a no-cops allowed flower-power revival zone. The mayor refused to disperse the intruders and, in a blink of an eye, the area turned into a criminal wasteland.

Both Antifa and BLM are notorious for acts of violence like arson, assault, and murder. They support environmental justice causes, just as environmentalist activists are in favor of social and racial justice. They consider themselves part of a single intersectional Left movement.

Non-violence is not a principled position of those who condemn all brute force. It’s more of a way for an applicant to narrow down the job search criteria—the radicals uncomfortable with the use of raw physical power leave it to their comrades. Some block roads with their bodies—which always makes for good photos—while others destroy monuments, burn churches, and storm embassies.

Although insurgent movements are helped by violence, violence is not always necessary to subvert the democratic process or constitutional structure and to impose one’s will upon a people. Our civilization relies on a democratic sovereign imposing order and protecting the life and liberty of ordinary citizens. Law enforcement must go after those who try to usurp that power from the state. The punishment for erecting roadblocks or otherwise restricting our freedom of movement should be such that any individual interested in taking this type of action would think twice. The tribal cops in Nevada are setting a good example for us all.

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Well I thought it was neat!

The F4U Corsair: The Gull-Winged Whistling Wife Killer by WILL DABBS

All physicians, no matter their speciality, start out in the Gross Anatomy lab. It is a surreal experience.

I started med school when I was 32. Unlike most of my comrades, I came to the table with a little living already under my belt. By the time I walked into the Gross Anatomy lab my youthful idealism was but an ancient memory.

It’s tough to find more raw human emotion than that which resides within your typical busy emergency department.

The long hours and the gore were obviously a given, but the emotional bit really did surprise me. I hadn’t imagined what it might be like to have to tell somebody their kid was going to die. Trust me, that’s not cool.

Lots of times folks will come see me in my medical clinic just because they don’t have anybody else to talk to.

By contrast, I was also amazed at the sorts of emotional baggage folks will bring to their doctor. One guy dropped by the clinic to tell me he was going off to kill himself and just wanted to say goodbye. There’s a surprising lot of emotion to be found in a small-town physician’s office.

Hell hath no fury like…well, you know the rest.

Arguably the most venom I have ever seen has come from spouses spurned. It is simply amazing to see the depths of unfettered hatred that can spawn from a relationship presumably originally based upon mutual love and affection. Such powerful angst can precipitate some remarkably egregious behavior.

The Weapon

The Vought F4U Corsair is an undeniably beautiful warplane. However, I sure wouldn’t want to have one of these puppies after me.

The Vought F4U Corsair was imagined from the outset as a carrier-based aircraft. The earliest versions of the plane were designed around a massive 2,000 horsepower 18-cylinder Pratt and Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp radial engine. To extract every bit of available power from that enormous engine it turned a Hamilton Standard Hydromatic three-bladed propeller that was 13 feet 4 inches in diameter.

The Corsair developed a reputation for ruggedness that endeared it to its pilots.

Little is tougher on an airplane than carrier landings, so the Corsair’s landing gear had to be stout. To be stout they had to be short. To design an airplane structure with short stocky landing gear and a 13-foot propeller necessitated the Corsair’s beautiful gull wings. The graceful gull wing design became the plane’s most arresting feature.

The F4U Corsair was one of America’s most successful warplanes.

12,571 copies rolled off the lines at both Vought and Goodyear between 1940 and 1953. The airplane saw active service in American hands in WW2 and Korea. New Zealand and France operated the ship well into the 1960’s. During WW2 the Corsair racked up an 11-to-1 kill ratio against the Japanese. The Japanese called it “The Whistling Death” based upon the sound the wind made passing through the oil coolers. The Corsair’s 11-year production run was the longest for any American piston-driven fighter plane.

So Much, So Fast

It’s amazing these guys survived.

While the Corsair was indeed a profoundly successful fighter plane, it was also terribly unforgiving. At the time of its introduction, aviation was still in its relative infancy. On December 17, 1903, the Wright Flier had its first serious success. Wilbur Wright had tried to take the Flier up three days prior but merely coasted some 3.5 seconds before stalling the machine and pranging it up a bit. On the 17th the aircraft flew four separate times. The last flight of the day covered 852 feet in 59 seconds with Wilbur at the controls. That averages out to about 10 mph. A 20mph headwind kept the plane aloft. At the end of this momentous day a gust of wind tumbled the flimsy plane end over end, and it never flew again.

The Wright Flier was a shockingly flimsy machine.

The Flier weighed 745 pounds and sported a 12-horsepower engine. A mere 37 years later the Corsair weighed 14,000 pounds and could cruise at 446 mph. The F4U had a service ceiling of 41,500 feet. Despite the fact that Navy and Marine pilots were meticulously screened and trained to a standard unrivaled anywhere in the world, fully 56% of aircraft losses in the Corsair were not due to combat action. The combination of cutting-edge performance and raw power simply made the Corsair a challenging machine to fly.

The Guns

The AN/M2 aircraft .50 was a variation on the traditional Ma Deuce ground gun.
Early Corsairs packed three AN/M2 guns in each wing.

The armament on a Corsair has little bearing on this tale, but this is a gun website and you rightfully expect firearms-related content. Early F4U’s sported half a dozen Browning AN/M2 .50-caliber machineguns. AN stood for “Army/Navy.” Each M2 weighed 61 pounds and cycled at between 600 and 800 rounds per minute. Each of these six guns carried 400 rounds onboard. B25 Mitchell gunships could potentially carry as many as 18 of these monsters.

Later Corsairs employed four 20mm cannon as wing-mounted armament. The difference is obvious if you’re looking for it. This is a Korean War-vintage plane.

We Americans did passionately love our fifties, but by the middle of the war advances in aircraft performance and armor had rendered these beloved weapons somewhat less than ideal. Even the lightweight Japanese Zero was armed with a brace of 20mm cannon. Later versions of the Corsair packed four AN/M3 20mm automatic cannon. Each of these guns carried 231 rounds.

The AN/M3 20mm cannon packed considerably more downrange horsepower than did the traditional .50-caliber machine-gun.

The AN/M3 was an Americanized version of the Hispano-Suiza HS.404 gas-operated, delayed-blowback 20mm gun used across all fronts during WW2. The AN/M3 cycled at 650 rpm and fired a roughly quarter-pound projectile. These shells packed a high explosive incendiary filler behind a No 253 Mk IA Direct Action (Percussion) fuze.

What Became of All Those Planes?

It’s tough to grasp the scope of American war production during World War 2. There’s never been anything like it before or since.

At peak production during World War 2 American industry was churning out some 8,000 warplanes a month. The sheer volume of sundry stuff produced in this country has never been rivaled before or since in all of human history. With the end of hostilities all of those magnificent aircraft were suddenly superfluous.

The raw volume of surplus aircraft scrapped after the war boggles the mind. More than 5,000 warplanes were destroyed at Kingman, AZ, alone.

P38 Lightnings, B25 Mitchells, P51 Mustangs, and B17 Fortresses were undeniably sexy cool, but they were not designed for efficiency. Their immensely powerful engines guzzled fuel and oil. Maintaining these large complicated machines was expensive. At a time when the planet was covered in the detritus of combat, nobody really wanted these things. Nowadays a restored WW2-era fighter plane might set you back a couple million dollars. Back then, however, most of them were simply scrapped. A shockingly large number of military aircraft were flown straight from the factories to the scrapyards. Makes a guy kind of ill to think about it today.

Uncle Sam purportedly tried selling these old planes for a while but eventually just gave up and scrapped them all.

There was supposedly a three-year period wherein folks could pick up surplus warplanes cash and carry under the auspices of the War Assets Administration. I have read that a series of disposal fields was established across the country where anyone with a little folding money could freely purchase a Mustang, Thunderbolt, Lightning, or Corsair, bereft of guns of course. After a while the program was hemorrhaging capital and the remaining inventory was turned into beer cans. For that brief period, however, a fully operational Corsair could be had for a bit north of $1,000. That’s about $12,400 today.

The Murder

I have read the following story from two sources in print. I was unable to find any reference to it online. If you know it to be apocryphal then try to suspend your skepticism and just enjoy the tale.

This isn’t the murderous wife-slaying oil tycoon from our story. This is Larry Hagman playing JR Ewing from the cheesy TV show Dallas. However, the parallels remain the same.

The murderer was a Texas oil tycoon, part of the nouveau rich made ridiculously wealthy by the recent global hemoclysm and its insatiable demand for petroleum. His wife was a shrew of sorts, the kind of woman who gravitates toward this kind of man and then becomes intolerable in short order. She had grown accustomed to the trappings of wealth, and he had grown weary of her company. Arguments became the norm, and they grew distant as a result.

The concept of the trophy wife is apparently fairly timeless. This Lucas Cranach painting from 1550 is titled “The Ill-Matched Couple.” Note that his hand is on her chest, while hers is in his purse. Eww…
Behold the recognized master of the art of the trophy wife. Hugh Hefner was married three times to women like this. He maintained robust friendships with countless others.

The man assuaged himself with a mistress. He had money, and that reliably attracted pretty girls. Had the guy been blessed with a bit more insight he might have appreciated that it was this very romantic calculus that had landed him in his current sordid state. Alas, this time-tested technique seldom if ever satisfies, yet humans have monotonously pursued such from the very dawn of time.

Female pilots really weren’t terribly common prior to World War 2. In fact, female anything other than housewives were a good bit rarer back then.

For her part, she craved adventure. Women had only earned the right to vote some 27 years previously, and gender emancipation was just finding its level. Thanks to the demands of total war, women had been granted opportunities to experience the workforce and the world that might have been unimaginable a mere decade earlier. Once that genie was out of the bottle there was no putting it back. In this young lady’s case, she liked to fly.

The J3 cub is a Cracker Jack airplane. However, the Cub’s 65hp Continental A-65-8 four-cylinder engine was an entirely different beast from the 2,000-hp monster that powered the Corsair warplane.

She had possession of a Taylor Cub and fancied herself quite the competent pilot. On the occasion of her birthday her husband purportedly threw a party. On the surface at least they were still the perfect happy power couple. Friends and relatives came from all around to the expansive ranch to celebrate. Imagine her delight when she found that her husband had gifted her an F4U Corsair fighter plane of her very own.

The Killing

The F4U Corsair was notoriously unforgiving through major power changes.

Everything in the universe is physics. If you open the throttle on a 2000-horsepower engine swinging a 13-foot prop all that torque has to go someplace. When Corsair pilots were on approach to an aircraft carrier they typically put their props to flat pitch and cranked in 20 degrees of right rudder trim, compensating for the tendency to crab with left rudder pedal. This way if they had to advance the throttle suddenly for a go-around the engine torque wouldn’t roll the big plane inverted with catastrophic result. Apparently nobody explained that to this oilman’s wife.

A vintage surplus warplane makes an unconventional but effective murder weapon in the wrong hands.

As the story goes the delighted woman climbed aboard, fired up that big Pratt and Whitney Double Wasp, and lined up on the grass runway on the ranch. When she pushed the throttle forward to take off in front of her accumulated guests the big fighter purportedly ground looped and exploded, quite effectively rendering the oil man a widower. After the requisite period of mourning the clever killer allegedly married his girlfriend, likely to start the entire sordid process over anew. And that, my friends, is how a put-upon Texas oil tycoon supposedly murdered his wife with a surplus Corsair fighter plane.

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War Well I thought it was neat!

Some F-86 Fighter Jets in Korea (I still think that the F-86 is one of THE most sexiest war planes ever!)

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Well I thought it was neat!

PIPE DREAMS EVEN BAD THINGS ARE SOMETIMES GOOD WRITTEN BY BRENT WHEAT

I don’t intentionally set out to cause heartache, discontent and angry reader emails but I know it’ll happen this month. However, I remain somewhat unrepentant, mildly defiant and wholly unconvinced I’m the purveyor of dangerous advice.

In today’s sermon we’re going to talk about tobacco in general, cigars and pipes in particular.

I believe this a suitable topic for this corner as many, many shooting and hunting adventures involve tobacco in some format and many shooters, especially those of a certain age, consider a nice bowl of burley or a Churchill cigar an integral part of the experience. If you prefer a cigarette, I understand, but I can’t offer any special insights.

The Root Of All Evil

First, let’s address the potential angry emails and letters. Yes, I understand smoking is bad for you in many ways, starting off with the “Big C,” cancer. Like most folks, my circle of family and friends has been affected by smoking-related cancer. I also know use of tobacco is not good for your cardiac health, weight control and is implicated in a variety of other health problems. My cardiologist will probably disown me if he happens to read this issue. Cigarettes are the worst due to their frequency of use and deep-draw into the lungs, while chewing and snuff are a close second. Even critics will grudgingly admit pipe and cigar is less so, but then again, “less so” is meaningless if you end up suffering from major health problems or chronic death.

So, gentle reader, I’m in agreement there is no safe or acceptable level of tobacco usage — but I’m still going to occasionally partake in my own vices, so let’s go there. Besides, at my age, I’m playing for smaller stakes …

One side rant: Someone needs to explain to me how tobacco is so universally considered evil and dangerous, but somehow deeply inhaling unfiltered smoke from a “left-handed cigarette” of unknown provenance is fine, even touted as “healthy” and “natural” by many so-called advocates. I can’t smoke a cigar or pipe in public without receiving nasty looks but this weekend at a college football game, I watched plenty of folks walking around with a glazed look as they sucked on foul-smelling hand-rolled smokes. I’m mostly libertarian in this regard, but I do hate hypocrisy and double standards. I suppose nobody under the age of 40 cares what an old white guy thinks anyway, but it still rankles me.

The Clouds Of Time

Back when I was a kid in the early Mesozoic era — not that long ago — everybody smoked. One of my fondest early memories is my doctor smoking his cherry-scented pipe during office visits. Of course, only a decade or so earlier, television advertising actually touted smoking as a healthful pastime. Doctors, lawyers and housewives all smoked, all the time. Every public gathering place was cloaked in blue clouds of choking smoke and even hospital waiting rooms had a veneer of brown nicotine glaze on the walls. I’m sure there was probably even an old-school surgeon or two who didn’t think a butt in his lips would seriously hinder the procedure so long as he didn’t get ashes on the spleen.

Growing up, I didn’t smoke. Actually I did, but it was usually the result of a fireworks mishap and fast application of a garden hose fixed the problem. However, once I reached the age of majority, one of my closest friends offered me a cigar one day as we were lounging around the range after packing up our shooting gear.

Holding the brown stick, I looked like a freshman being handed one of the aforementioned left-handed smokes. I was curious and a bit anxious but I reasoned all the cool guys I knew smoked cigars and I wanted to be like them. Yes — peer- and social-pressure are still a thing for immature guys of any age.

Don’t Do It

Like Bill Clinton, I smoked but didn’t inhale. For those who haven’t smoked a cigar, you don’t inhale, ever. If you do, the world starts becoming green-tinted, your stomach begins to climb up your throat and you hear jungle drums in your ears. It’s much like my ill-fated sampling of chewing tobacco — I quickly perceived the cool guys didn’t barf on their shoes so I had to learn the proper ways of ’baccy.

Since those early days in my 20s, I’ve smoked a passel of cigars. Some of them were good, some weren’t so good and some were downright vile. Not surprisingly, price isn’t always an indicator of quality.

In fact, one of the most awkward moments in a man’s life is when someone, with great embellishment and decorum, presents you with an expensive cigar intended to be smoked immediately as a bit of gratitude, honor or comradery.

When the stick is great, no worries. However, when it tastes like a burning flophouse mattress doused in old radiator water, it’s hard to maintain a veneer of appreciation. Learning to say convincingly “Wow, I love it! It’s really … interesting” is part of the social skills of any tactical cigar smoker. However, it’s harder than it sounds when you’re in the middle of a violent fit of hurling.

Cigars have been part, good and bad, of my overall shooting experience for a long time. Win a competition? Smoke a cigar! Bag a trophy animal? It’s cigar time! Sitting around a campfire with buddies at sunset, talking about a great day in the field? Light ’em up!
Reloading a few rounds at the end of the day? Um, no. Smoking doesn’t fit every activity, unless you really enjoy emergency visits to the local burn center.

New Clouds On The Horizon

But now, after decades of cigar enjoyment, I’ve moved on to become a Fellow of the Briar after learning the relaxing ways of pipe smokers.

I’m not exactly sure how it happened but one day I had an impulsive thought, “I remember all the old guys of my youth, tamping and smoking their fragrant pipes. What happened to them?” What happened is they’re all dead — but not necessarily due to pipe tobacco.

I grew more and more intrigued by the idea of doing something so retro and, frankly, even a bit counter-culture. It was the antithesis of modern life, a living anachronism — a state of affairs I could certainly relate to. Not inconsequentially, I also felt like those of us who sported thinning locks of white hair could smoke a pipe and not look overtly ridiculous in the process. I believed I had earned the price of admission.

It Begins

Thus, after months of internal debate, I set my jaw and marched down to the local smokers emporium — selling “Cigarettes at State Minimum Prices!” — and bought myself an inexpensive Dr. Grabow. From the first bowl I was hooked, even though those initial attempts at keeping the pipe lit left my scorched tongue feeling like a piece of dried-out shoe leather for a few weeks.

There is significantly more flavor involved with a pipe than smoking cigars, and the “room note” can even be considered pleasant to those nearby rather than the stink-fest of old cigar smoke. However, the main attraction for me about smoking a pipe, something I have grown to love even more, is the fact the whole process of setting up a bowl is more of a ritual than a simple act.

Instead of just firing a rolled-up wad of leaves, a pipe demands care and attention to loading, packing, tamping, the false light, more tamping and then a final light. Along the way, you’ll then need a bit more tamping, perhaps some ash management, tamping and one or two more lights. Overall, smoking a pipe is not something you do casually, it’s a much more deliberate experience you must learn to savor — just like hunting with a muzzleloader, refinishing a walnut stock or repairing an old box-lock. It’s something requiring time, experience and focus, a deliberate and slow process you can’t hurry lest it all falls apart.

If only more people understood the appeal. Pipes might not be physically healthy, but as a balm for the psyche, they are superior to many other modern things you can do.

For instance, social media. If you think inhaling burning leaves are bad for you, have you been online lately?

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Well I thought it was neat!

Some more Red Hot Gospel here!