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YOU MIGHT BE A WHEELWOLF IF WRITTEN BY MASSAD AYOOB

Could you be afﬂicted with the Curse of the Wheelwolf? With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, we offer this simple test.

1. If you have ever been known to say, “If you can’t do it with six, you can’t do it at all …”

2. If you have ever been heard to utter the phrase, “Six for sure …”

3. If you carry an autoloader as a primary sidearm, but pack a revolver for backup just in case.

4. If you ever thought, “That cowboy action stuff really looks fun.”

5. If you have ever caught yourself thinking of speedloaders as “rotary assault drum magazines for revolvers.”

6. If the phrase “wheel guns are real guns” strikes a responsive chord with you.

Dr. James Williams, revolverthrope, with a ﬁve-screw S&W 1955 Target in .45 ACP.

Scoring:

How many yeses did you answer to the above questions?

Zero: Get outta here, plastic gun boy. You got no sense of tradition.

One to two: You may be young, but there is hope for saving your character.

Three to four: You are proof that the 21st century is a time for a return to the old values.

Five: Clint Smith and Mas Ayoob won’t give you free scholarships for their schools … but they would probably be inclined to if they could.

Six: For you that moon is always full, and somewhere Elmer Keith and Bill Jordan are smiling.

STUPID POTATO LAUNCHER STUNTS WRITTEN BY BRENT WHEAT

His dad must be very proud of his child!

The Coyote Principle

CALIFORNIA
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.

The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.

The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training on the nature of coyotes.

PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

TEXAS
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.