Author: Grumpy
The job of first sergeant, or “top sergeant” as it was once called, is perhaps one of the most rewarding positions for enlisted personnel in the Army. The first sergeant is the arbiter for all enlisted-soldier matters within the company. He or she is the senior noncommissioned officer of the company, with considerable influence over the unit’s culture.
While this is very rewarding, it also means that the first sergeant has to deal with all disciplinary issues within the company. As such, first sergeants have to listen to some of the most outrageous lies ever to come out of the mouths of the junior enlisted. From my own experience and in talking with first sergeants, here are some the “greatest hits” of lies told to the first sergeant.
1. “No, I didn’t smoke the weed, I was just in the room when some people happened to be walking by smoking it.” Sure, the poor soldier somehow managed to get those people to walk by 20 times so that he could get that level of THC in his blood.
2. “My mustache is outside the regulations as prescribed by Army Regulation 670-1? I didn’t know there was a regulation for mustaches.” That soldier probably also doesn’t know there’s a regulation that stipulates the amount of Axe body spray he is using now classifies him as a chemical weapon.
3. “Her? In my room during health and welfare? I don’t know where she came from.” Nor does this soldier know why he has a package of condoms in his hand.
4. “The doc says I am pregnant? But that can’t be, I’m a virgin!” Our battalion physician literally witnessed this conversation.
5. “Um, I’m not wearing my eye protection because my dog ate them.” Troops are great at losing things. Not so great at the explanations under pressure.
6. “So you see, first sergeant, I got a DUI because the cop doesn’t like troops.” Bad answer, because Top’s dad was probably a cop.
7. “First sergeant, I was late to formation because of ice in the road. Yes, I know it’s July.” The mouth moves faster than the brain, in some cases.
8. “The commander is gone, so I’m in charge.” The executive officer is so cute to think that.
9. “No first sergeant, I wasn’t sleeping, I was meditating.” See also under, “I wasn’t sleeping, I was pulling security.”
10. “Yes, we are all sober.” Usually stated during morning physical training. The results of a good three-mile run are enough to show the lie.
“I consider it to be the duty of anyone who sees a flaw in the plan not to hesitate to say so. I have no sympathy with anyone who will not brook criticism. We are here to get the best possible results & you must make a really cooperative effort.” Eisenhower before D-Day.
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The Last Knight’s Cross Winner 1945
A good guy with a gun shot an alleged armed attacker in Las Vegas’s Turnberry Towers condominium just after 3 p.m. Friday.
KTNV reported that the attacker was “a man wearing a helmet” who “had an AR-15 and other weapons.”
The man who stopped the reported attack is employed in the building where the incident occurred and remains unidentified.
KLAS noted that Turnberry Towers resident Benjamin Teal said he pulled up to the building as the incident was unfolding, and the valet told him where to take cover: “My valet comes out waving his arms saying, ‘There is a guy with a gun, turn around and go the other way,’ and so we go down to the basement the first level where the valet parking is and then we heard about six to seven or eight gunshots.”
Teal added. “It was pretty distinguishable to be a gunshot.”
The alleged attacker was taken to the hospital in critical condition.
AWR Hawkins is an award-winning Second Amendment columnist for Breitbart News and the writer/curator of Down Range with AWR Hawkins, a weekly newsletter focused on all things Second Amendment, also for Breitbart News. He is the political analyst for Armed American Radio and a Turning Point USA Ambassador. He was a Visiting Fellow at the Russell Kirk Center for Cultural Renewal in 2010, a speaker at the 2023 Western Conservative Summit, and he holds a Ph.D. in Military History, with a focus on the Vietnam War (brown water navy), U.S. Navy since Inception, the Civil War, and Early Modern Europe. Follow him on Instagram: @awr_hawkins. You can sign up to get Down Range at breitbart.com/downrange. Reach him directly at awrhawkins@breitbart.com.
You have to be kidding,right !?! (Note to self maybe its time to move to Israel?)