You Will Shoot Your Eye Out

You should be well aware by now that guns are the most dangerous things in existence today, narrowly edging out Donald Trump supporters. But you may not know all of the worst things about guns.

To further prove the point, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of even more scary facts about guns:

1. Touching one instantly turns you into a Republican: A fate worse than death.
2. It takes 500 Kenyan child slaves to mine enough blasting powder to fill a single magazine clip with gun bullets: This is a crime against human rights.
3. Guns are often a gateway drug to cannons: Sure, right now it’s “just a little Glock.” Next thing you know, you’re building a Civil War-era cannon in the backyard.
4. The average gun owner shoots 5,000 people per year: You can’t argue with cold, hard statistics.
5. If left unattended, guns have been known to commit mass shootings: The guns — and guns alone — are to blame.
6. Guns literally invented murder: Before guns existed, nobody killed anyone. Ever.
7. They are often used to stop dedicated, hardworking looters: They’re just trying to feed their families with those Louis Vuitton handbags and 80″ flatscreen TVs, you barbarian.
8. Police carry guns: And we all know the police are everyone’s enemy.
9. If Hitler had guns, he likely would have won World War 2: Just think about that.

If the list of terrifying facts above doesn’t scare you enough, you must be a MAGA voter, which is only slightly less dangerous than a gun.