Category: Cops

Francois Guillemin, a foundry worker in Hamilton Township, N.J., thought it would be a neat idea to make a working replica of a 16th-century artillery piece for the local Fourth of July celebration. On the eve of the big event, authorities said he “stuffed a 2 lb. steel ball the size of a baseball down the gun and fired it.

The 24″ barreled boomer worked! It worked so well, in fact, that the missile flew for over half a mile until it crashed into Harriet Stout’s wood-frame house, blasting into the bathroom, where it smashed a mirror, a toothbrush holder, and the toilet tank cover before rolling to rest under the sink.

Harriet was reportedly not using the bathroom at the time. She is a lucky lady, although she probably missed out on some kind of honors in the Guinness Records book.

Just Do It

Apparently, Alex Coventry’s roommate mused too long and too loudly about bidding adieu to the cruel, cruel world. Coventry handed him a loaded shotgun and told him, “Stop talking about. Just do it.”

Coventry drew four years probation in a Los Angeles court, charged with a rarely-used 19th-century ban on assisting in the commission of a suicide.

Newlywed Bliss

In recent years, it has become traditional in Iran to celebrate the sealing of a young couple’s wedding vows with a burst of automatic rifle fire. In the Lorestan Governate, one such expression of love and joy went sour when a reveler lost control of his machine gun, killing six and wounding 14.

Note: The NRA Firearms Safety Program is not allowed to be taught in schools in Iran … or in the U.S.

Robbers Foiled By Locked Doors

Witnesses had to assume it was an attempted robbery, although it didn’t get very far. The Fort Thomas-Bellevue Bank in Kentucky had been closed for over an hour when a big car pulled up outside. Three armed men wearing masks and matching jogging suits leaped out of the car, ran to the front of the bank, and literally bounced off the locked doors.

Several employees who were still inside said the three looked at each other for a moment, either dazed or very confused, then got back into their car and fled.

Dummy at the Drive-Up

When the cashier at the drive-up window of a burger joint in San Bernardino, Calif., asked the young man what he wanted, he seemed embarrassed and frustrated. Asked again, he finally ordered three cheeseburgers. Asked if he wanted anything else, he blurted out that he had forgotten his note and couldn’t remember what else he wanted. He then hurried away, leaving his burgers on the window counter.

Returning a few minutes later, the customer-turned-suspect proudly produced a holdup note and a handgun. The cashier dutifully turned over $45 in cash, and the elated suspect fled. Again, he left his burgers behind.

Mark Moritz hung up his satirical spurs to a collective sigh of relief from America’s gun writers whom he had lampooned in “Friendly Fire” for two long, painful years. The 10 Ring is written by Commander Gilmore, a retired San Diego police officer who bases his humor, like Mark did, on actual occurrences. All the incidents described by the Commander are true.