Cops Well I thought it was funny!



As a young copper, I always felt sorry for my female colleagues, and not for the reasons you’re thinking. As rookies, we quickly learned the necessity of developing iron bladders, as we were always assigned the crappy details lasting for hours, such as directing traffic, maintaining crime scene lines and other lengthy details without proper facilities nearby. One of the best words of advice I ever received from my field training officer was “at the first inkling of having to go, do it if you can.”


Jeepers Keepers


The reason I commiserated so much with the female officers when it came to using the restroom had to do with belt keepers. Keepers are leather straps with two brass snaps used for securing your duty belt to your pants belt, keeping your duty belt from shifting while drawing your gun.

When finally getting the chance for relief the females had to remove at a minimum, four belt keepers, then their Sam Brown duty belt. Then undue their garrison belt, drop their britches, and finally get to the matter at hand, all while dancing a jig, depending on severity. As you can see, men have it a lot easier. We simply unzip, retrieve, expel, return, zip and we’re done. Mission accomplished! That’s not to say men don’t have their own problems.


Excuses, Excuses…


As the old joke goes, how can a man capable of hitting a running deer at 200 yards miss the toilet at less than three feet? The ensuing miss (mess) ends up anywhere (everywhere) due to a lot of extenuating circumstances. And not just for cops either. Here’s a few excuses, or explanations, on why men can miss a relatively easy shot. Curiously, many of these techniques mimic shooting habits at the range. So, there is relevance at hand here. Pay attention!


Spray & Pray


This technique is a definite no-no! While front sight, press is our mantra on the range, we have no front sight to speak of during relief time. Regardless, we have years of instinctive shooting going in our favor. Like throwing a ball, throwing your stream is purely instinctive. After engaging your target, adjust your aim and continue firing.

Your first shots usually go high, as high as the lifted lid, depending on load pressure. When you get near the end of your ammo supply, remember there’s usually a drop in velocity. Don’t be surprised when you transition from the veracity of a full-auto shooter to the drip, drip, drip of a single-action plinker. Adjust your aim as needed.


Pressure Problems?


The ensuing miss is usually attributed to pressure problems. Depending on the severity of the emergency, we never know what the velocity will be. Like cartridges, the higher the velocity, the further the range. This variable definitely affects aim. Severe high-pressure loads have a tendency to shoot high, while lower velocity loads go low. Adjustment is necessary, once POI (point of impact) is determined so a steady flow of bullseyes ensues. Remember, we’re shooting instinctively here, like a hipshot, so please ladies, give us a break.


Double Vision?


Believe it or not, sometimes there’s a double stream initially, until the muzzle corrects itself, transitioning back to a single field of fire. Controlling two fields of fire is much more difficult. Some are capable of pulling it off, but it is difficult indeed.


Polar Expression


Funny things happen to men in the cold. Things tend shrink. It’s an act of self-preservation of the species. Subconsciously, things are pulled closer to the body, keeping everything viable and warm. Herein lies the problem. There’s nothing worse being outdoors, usually while duck/goose hunting in the bitter cold and having 5 inches of layered clothing on with only now 3 inches of release valve.

It’s search and rescue in the worst way. Peeling back layer upon layer is a dire necessary. Forget about wearing gloves. They’re more hindrance than help. Although temporary, it’s a problem. Everyone knows it’s harder shooting with a snubby, especially when shooting around a lot of cover.




Now I have a differing opinion on the matter of feeling sorry for the trials and tribulations women must go through while in police uniform. While I still feel sorry for them, I think they may indeed hold the eventual upper hand. Sitting is like shooting at the 3- yard line. Try doing it standing up, and women will have just as much, if not more problems as men.


Bigger Targets?


Lifting the lid provides a larger target. If you do make a rim shot, simply dropping the lid covers any peripheral hits. I’d usually avoid all these problems by simply pulling off in the high country somewhere and water the pines as they say. We had a fueling depot perfect for this method and by the bare spots behind the pines it was evident I wasn’t the only one to do so.

Beware of wind direction when using this method. It’s always better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Happy New Year! 2023 looks to be an interesting year indeed!

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