WASHINGTON — The Central Intelligence Agency released information on a new North Korean aerial penis art program, in which MiG-23 Floggers fly in patterns that appear on radar screens as giant penises pointed at South Korea. The provocative practice is raising regional tensions.
“It’s a total dick move,” said CIA spokesperson Thomas Tallywacker. “Kim Jong Un poked the bear earlier this year by drone flights over South Korea. Now he’s waving sky schlongs at the South. It’s a pretty limp joke, but there hasn’t been this much meat pointed at Korea since the Marines landed at Inchon.”
Aviation experts say that the aerial penis art requires intense pilot concentration and tight control grip on the stick with gentle changes in thrust.
“Most pilots have the basic skills for sky dicks, but the expert level is tough to grab,” said Tallywacker, “Now North Korean pilots are so good at dork drawing, it indicates that they practice joy stick control day and night.”
Military sausage expert Abe Froman said that boner drawings have been a military tradition since antiquity. North Korean leaders have long desired a military weiner program to demonstrate military parity with the West.
In the 1950s, North Korean soldiers copied US soldier dong depictions found in captured latrines and trenches.
“Marines at the Chosin Reservoir left them some high-quality ice dick sculptures,” Froman said.
But according to Tallywacker, ground-based dicks present only tactical threats by angering low-level leaders who are overly fixated on rules, like sergeants majors and fifth grade teachers; with vulnerable egos, like field grade officers; any “anyone who refers to themselves an ‘alpha male.’”
“Aerial dicks are usually waved at flag officers or national leaders,” he said. “That’s strategic-level embarrassment.”
North Korea’s program was flaccid until Kim Jung-Un took a more hands-on approach in recent months. Then, aerial dick development rose to prominence over missile programs, another not at all phallic power projector.
“Kim became totally fixated on sky boners,” Tallywacker said, “almost like all the blood rushed out of his head.”
Asked for comment, former CIA analyst Regina Coolotta said, “Good lord. In a world full of actual war, you ass-hat men are fixated on dicks again. Call me when you guys leave adolescence and want to talk about a real issue.”
Bull Winkle is also a certified phrenologist and is available to solve world crises or make your next wedding, birthday or corporate event super fun.