The Green Machine This great Nation & Its People You have to be kidding, right!?!

Army Egg Beaters

Army helicopter pilots are very highly regarded, regardless of rank. They bring firepower, food, ammunition and mail. They evacuate the wounded and remove the tired from the battlefield. They are braver than lions, fiercer than tigers, gentle as lambs. They have nerves of steel, the eyes of eagles, the cunning of a snake and can drink like its the end of the world. And on top of all that, we are ever so humble and modest.

Finally! An accurate description of an Army helicopter pilot, as seen by the people in his life:

As seen by himself:

An incredibly intelligent, tall, handsome, innovative, and highly trained professional killer, idol to countless females, and Gentleman Adventurer, who wears a star sapphire ring, carries a hair-trigger .45 automatic in a specially designed, hand-made quick draw holster along with his trusty survival knife, who is always on time thanks to his ability to obtain immediate transportation and the reliability of his Rolex watch.

As seen by his wife:

A disreputable member of the family who comes home once a year all bruised up, driving a stolen jeep up to the back door carrying a B-4 bag full of dirty laundry, wearing a stained flight suit, smelling of stale booze and JP-4, wearing a huge watch, a fake ring, and that damn ugly beat-up pistol in that stupid holster, who will three months later go out the front door, thankfully for another year.

As seen by his commander:

A fine specimen of a drunken, brawling, jeep stealing, woman corrupting liar, with a star sapphire ring, fantastically accurate Rolex watch, an unauthorized .45 in a non-regulation shoulder holster, and trusty survival knife.

As seen by Division Headquarters:

The embodiment of a drunken, brawling, jeep stealing, woman corrupting, lying, zipper-suited Sun God, with a ring, a proscribed 1911A1 .45 in a non-regulation shoulder holster, a Rolex watch, who for some reason carries a survival knife.

As seen by the DoD:

An overpaid, rule-ignoring, over-ranked tax burden, who is unfortunately totally indispensable simply because he has volunteered to go anywhere, and do anything, at any time, only so long as he can booze it up, brawl, steal jeeps, corrupt women, lie, and wear a star sapphire ring, Rolex watch, and carry an obsolete hand gun and a survival knife.

As seen by the enemy:

The implacable inescapable face of death!

6 replies on “Army Egg Beaters”

You tooHuh!?! All I know is that I should of transferred to the Aero Scout troop instead of staying in the TOC when I was in. Oh well.
Thanks for reading my humble blog!

Sent to me by a friend. Not an ex-military pilot, but 20 years of flying helicpoters for the Border Patrol (with some ex-military types, though this applies pretty much universally). Love the post, lots of wisdon there (clearly born of experience). Haven’t shown it to my wife yet, but rather certiain she’ll agree. Will forward to others who’ll understand.

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